Project 365 New Things: Days 39, 40, 41, 42 AND 43...

*slinks into blog through the back window* hey guys...

I don't need to regale you with the reason that I've been absent more than is customary, for three reasons: 1, I don't feel like it. 2, you probably don't feel like reading about it. 3, the version that you will conjure from the depths of your imagination will probably be much more entertaining than the truth ever could be, and I don't want to spoil that for you.

Day 39: I tried a new kind of memorization technique in Shakespeare. It consists of saying a piece of text aloud as one continually draws a picture of what is happening. If it weren't 11pm where I live, I would upload a scan of my cartoonish depiction of Hamlet's soliloquy. Perhaps tomorrow.

Day 40: I learned of the existence of the dhole, a fox-like animal that probably lives in Asia.

Day 41: I watched a Disney short that I had never seen before. Boring, I know, but it was from Tangled. What can I say? I adore that movie, and the fact that Flynn Rider isn't real is a real source of grief for me and often feels like a very physical wound in my side.

Day 42: I finished season one of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Yes, I acknowledge what a hopelessly lame challenge this is. But let me point out that the reason for my absence on this blog (as you've probably guessed, you clever thing) is that I have been (say it with me) extraordinarily busy and tired this week! So I'm giving myself a pass here. And it is true that I had never done that before.

Day 43: I began season two of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Deal with it.

Anyway, I hope you all had a lovely week. Onwards and upwards!

~Maddie

Project 365 New Things: Day 34

Busy day today! I shall rant about it for a moment, and then tell you all about today's challenge.

I had my first Girl Scout meeting of the year, and my friend Daniella came and is most likely joining the troop! (For those who don't know, I have an awesome Girl Scout troop. We are more colloquially known as the Evil Minions-- a strange tradition dating back to 2008. Basically, you had to be there. Our mascot is a rubber duck. We actually do hardcore camping as well as other things, so don't tell me all about how Girl Scouts don't do as many outdoor activities as Boy Scouts). Anyway, we had a great time and a really productive planning session. Then I was off to rehearsal, where we did a lot of scansion (analysis of Shakespeare's writing). So, all in all, it was a good day, albeit very busy one. In the cracks between activities, I was pretty much doing as much homework as humanly possible.

But I still managed to do today's challenge. As I type this, I currently have a scratchy gold pseudo-necktie (read: re-purposed costume sash) around my neck that I tied myself. It does not match my pajamas, but I think I am probably mature enough to move past that.

Actually, I found an entire website dedicated to tying ties in different configurations. Apparently, there are all sorts of different knots that can go with various kinds of outfits. Who knew? Certainly not me. http://www.tie-a-tie.net/

Farewell, dear readers. Farewell.

~Maddie

Project 365 New Things: Days 32 and 33

Been off for a while, as I've been exceptionally busy and tired (shocker, I know). By the way, I originally titled this post "Project 365 New Things: Days 32 and 34." I am that tired. I only mention this as a sort of disclaimer: If I wake up tomorrow and re-read this to find that I in fact wrote it while sleepwalking and these conglomerations of letters that I now believe to be words turn out to be mere gibberish when both the morning light and my common sense and coherency return, do not be surprised. However, if you've made it this far in the post, that is hopefully not the case.

Day 32: I got further up towards a headstand on my own than I ever had before. My legs briefly brushed the wall in a much-anticipated gesture before they realized that they were not in their normal orientation, panicked, and made a sorry and rapid return to the earth's surface. Still working on it!

Day 33: Today, I learned the word "pecuniary" from reading A Tale of Two Cities for lit group. Good ol' Charles. It means 'monetary' or 'economic.' Example: "Despite her unfortunate pecuniary predicament precipitated by congress' inability to participate in progress, Maddie still, against all odds, managed to pay for Metro fare to her Thespian training. At least, so far."

I am tired. Dear and gentle readers, I cannot seem to stress this enough. I am rapidly losing the ability to form coherent thoughts, let alone string them into comprehensible sentences. In the immortal words of one of my fellow company members, forever spoken into living memory after we had just done a particularly difficult and tiring physical exercise: "Maddie no verb, adjective or adverb. Maddie noun."

Farewell, friends. As the moon rises sluggishly in the sky and the owl goes about his dark and organic business, I bid adieu to this day and ask myself why, as a culture, we are so inordinately obsessed with both cheesy, poetic descriptions of the nighttime and random French words.

~Maddie

Project 365 New Things: Day 29

Today I was very busy with homework, attending to a sick family member, and trying to register myself for the PSAT, so I sort of left off doing today's challenge until, like, an hour ago (read: 10 pm. I don't know why, but the timestamp on my posts is always off). I was out of ideas, too. But luckily for me, Drew came to my rescue with the idea of writing a letter to someone by hand. I have, of course, done this before, but it's been a while. To make it even more challenging and new, I decided to write him a letter backwards, so that it could be read in a mirror.

Now, I've read that some synesthetes are able to write backwards very easily. Let me assure you that I am not one of these people. At the end of three and a half paragraphs, my brain was like a very colorful alphabet soup. It was actually pretty fun, though. I enjoy word puzzles and things like that immensely, and the combination of writing in a way I'm not used to while actually trying to record something interesting in a message to someone was rather entertaining, in a head-breaking sort of way. Tomorrow, I shall place this letter in the mailbox and send it on its way to Drew's residence. I think I'll write the address on the envelope in the normal direction, however.

And now, sweet and gentle readers, I bid you goodnight.

~Maddie

Project 365 New Things: Day 28

Today, Young Company was cancelled because of the shootings at the Capitol. I'm just sort of tired of humans being awful, and that's all that I have to say about it right now.

In happier news, my new thing today was that I participated in a role-playing game of the dice and character-sheet variety. I don't know if I've extensively mentioned my literature group on this blog, but here's a sketch of them just for background. The group consists of six of my friends and me, and every Thursday we meet and discuss a work of literature. I love all of these people. We drink a lot of tea. We have deep discussions about characters. We talk about a lot of fandoms. We call ourselves "hermits united."

Anyway, today we brought a Doctor Who RP game to play after the discussion. It went quite well. Before we even began, we lost the dice (I think Ellen had been sitting on them). Kaila and I had an argument over whose character was more attractive, and Elizabeth lamented the fact that Martha Jones didn't get a special object whenever Rose Tyler was in the game. We all discussed the metaphorical resonance of this rule. Then we realized that Elizabeth didn't have a discernible pulse, and was probably dead. She thought this was amusing. Then, Elena, Kaila, and Missy and I began checking for our own pulses, and after some initial fear, finally found them.

I suppose we sort of deviated from the direction of the game when our characters stole a shop full of unattended candy, all donned bikinis (especially Captain Jack), and they all boarded a pirate ship on which they found the body of Jay Gatsby, covered in shirts. At this point, Joseph, our game master, claimed that there weren't any rules in the game book that pertained to this scenario. I remain skeptical on this point.

I don't think we're ever going to get invited to D&D meets. Maybe we'll become writers for SNL or something instead.

~Maddie

Project 365 New Things: Day 26

Is it October already? Jeepers.

So, I'm absolutely mentally and physically exhausted, and I'm still fighting this cold. Thus, I shall try to keep this report brief.

For today's challenge, I ate a cupcake with a spoon. I would not recommend this to others, on the grounds that it is a very unwieldy way to consume one's dessert, and I ended up having to fish chunks of cake out of a pool of ketchup. So, technically, I suppose I did two new things today, because in an attempt to salvage the chunks of cake, I tried to eat them. Do not eat chocolate cupcake chunks with ketchup. It only leads to despair and heartfelt sighs. Mark my words.

In other news, I came back to rehearsals today. I was still feeling a little too sick to do this, but I am incredibly stubborn when it comes to my passions, and so I may or may not have let on that I was feeling a little healthier than I actually was. However, I did not pay too dearly for this, as for the first half of the workshop, we all lay on the floor in a dimly-lit area and closed our eyes as we did various voice exercises. It was actually quite lovely and very relaxing. And I enjoyed it from a synesthetic point of view, too, because one of the exercises involved letting out vibrating 'puffs' of sound with each breath. As I lay there with my eyes shut, I got to watch the different colors of everyone's vocalizations in this rainbow of colored dots. It was absolutely beautiful.

In other news, I am out of a dog walking job until congress can act like adults, because my employer is forcibly home from work (she works for the government). I don't know how this will effect my ability to pay for Metro fare to Young Company, and it's actually concerning me a bit. I've got some money saved up, of course, but I don't know how long this madness will last. And that's all I'm going to say about it here, because I'm honestly just sick of arguing, politics, whining, whining about politics, arguing about politics... well, you get the idea. Congress, you had *one* job...

May sunny fields be involved in your future activities.

~Maddie

Project 365 New Things: Day 25

The bad news is that I'm still sick enough that I had to miss rehearsal. But the good news is that I turned in all my world history homework, I'm feeling a bit better, and my right ear is no longer ringing in a way that I can only describe as a wall of gray with burgundy specks trying to block out all sensation on the right side of my head.

Because I am still sick, I didn't have a lot of options for today's challenge. After I finished the veritable mountain of work I had to do (whoot!), I was still without ideas. I was going to go on YouTube to find a 'how-to' video for something, but I had the attention span of a fruit fly, and soon I found myself watching Hank Green make mistakes on Crash Course outtakes and I wasn't learning anything (other than how hard it can be to pronounce the names of certain molecules). So, in a fit of brilliance, I decided to go to Wikipedia, click 'random article,' and write a poem inspired by the material of whatever article I got. Desperately hoping not to get an article about anything dirty and/or hopelessly boring, I embarked upon this adventure.

I got this very short article about an R&B song called "Lock and Key:"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lock_and_Key_(Klymaxx_song)

I then listened to this abominable cacophony of noise on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9B1IMVKGY8

As my ears (and eyes) were assaulted by this very poorly rendered collage of uncomplimentary colors and sounds, I penned this modern classic:

As I gaze upon the voluminous mass that is this woman's hair,
I cannot help but wonder what she could hide in there.
A teapot, a thesaurus, a pair of yellow sneakers,
A colony of starfish or old computer speakers.
This song is both musically and intellectually lacking;
If I were her producer, I'd simply send her packing.
But she'd be just fine; with a cumulonimbus of hair like that
She'd have everything she needed to bring the '80s back.

As always, lemme know what you did for today, if you're following along! If not, and if you have an idea for something new I could try, I'd love to hear from ya!

Peace and prosperity,
~Maddie

Project 365 New Things: Day 15

Today, I climbed a tree and put my ear next to the trunk so I could listen to a woodpecker rhythmically searching for food above me. I was surprised at how well the sound carried through the wood, as the bird was easily 20+ feet above me and I could hear the pecking sound descend down the trunk to my ear, as if through a naturally grown tin-can telephone. The sun shining through the leaves was beautiful, and almost exactly the color that I hear G Major in. And that's really all there is to tell. It was just a lovely, spontaneous thing to do in the midst of a day filled with studying and work.

Good night, lovelies!

~Maddie

Enough To Make The Most Hardened Azalea Beat its Wooden Fists and Wail "WHAT IS THIS LIFE?!"

I am a huge fan of botany. I just love learning about plants and the cool ways that they do things, not to mention their intricate medicinal qualities, methods for achieving homeostasis, and amazing external features. I am also a big fan of philosophy and literature. So when I was taking notes for my botany homework, this happened:

And yeah, for those who were wondering, this is basically what it's like being in my head. Only it's more brightly colored, noisy, and filled with confused fictional characters walking around, getting into arguments and bumping into things. All in all, it's even stranger and more random than the notes that you just read. (*cough*Bonus points to the reader that can find the subtle Shakespeare reference in the paragraph in the photo.*cough*)

~Maddie

Project 365 New Things: Day 11

Today, the Shakespeare program that I had been so long anticipating was postponed because of the shootings in DC. It starts tomorrow instead, and honestly, I'm not so much disappointed as I am grateful to be safe today. I'm praying for everyone affected by this horrible emergency. I have asked Jesus to comfort and keep alive those who have been wounded.

For today's challenge, I learned how to drive a forklift. Or, at least, after reading the WikiHow article containing this information, I know the theory. Here, in my own words, is a summary of what I learned:

1. Driving a forklift is nothing like driving a car. Driving a forklift is more like driving a boxy, top-heavy pumpkin in a windstorm through which several cats holding baseball bats are attempting to knock down everything in their paths. Proceed with caution and, if applicable to your area, make sure you earn or steal a licence before trying to drive a forklift.

2. Check the forklift for any damage or espionage-related sabotage before driving it. Make sure you inspect the "hydraulic mechanisms and tire conditions" very carefully, as it is extremely important that they are functional. I don't know about you, but I predict that this would be the downfall of my forklift driving career, as I know slightly more about mechanics than your average blind dog from 13th century Russia does. As far as I can tell from guessing, a 'hydraulic mechanism' might have something to do with water.

3. It is a good idea to read the manual. If my lack of knowledge about the hydraulic-thingy-whatsits was going to be a problem, this recommendation most certainly will be as well. I am, always have been, and always will be an autodidact. This has occasionally caused me some problems in the past, but overall, it's worked very well for me and I think I'll stick with it. I hope that manual didn't have anything important to say.

4. Pay attention to the size and shape of the object you are lifting. Make sure you have the right kind of fork attached to the front of your wobbly vehicle. Check the work environment for obstacles, including but not limited to: dirt, plastic bags, people, plants, ponies, blenders, speed bumps and clams. Only lift the object high enough to lift it off the ground. I was kind of disappointed by this last rule, because that pretty much leaves no possibility for trick and/or gymnastic lifting, as far as I can tell.

5. The forklift is operated by several levers and knobs that control the height of the fork and the speed of the vehicle. Try practicing with sandbags or otherwise boring objects before trying to lift anything or anyone important.

I think I'm set for a fork-lifting career now. Let me know if you want me to lift anything for you!

~Maddie

Project 365 New Things: Day 3

So today, I kind of hit a wall. I'd spent the whole afternoon doing Spanish, and when I decided to take a break to do today's challenge, I could not think of a single thing that I could do. I didn't have the energy to cook something, I didn't have time to memorize a Shakespeare sonnet, I was at home rather than in a densely populated area and in possession of a bouquet of tulips, etc.

So I wandered around the house, looking for inspiration. Out of pure desperation, I picked up a bag of sidewalk chalk, determined to do something, anything with it that I had never done before.

After a fruitless Google search (did you know that you can use sidewalk chalk for the monumentally boring task of polishing silverware?), on impulse I ran into the bathroom, filled up the sink, and tossed in the chalk, just to see if it would float. It did not. I then ran downstairs to the microwave, and an astounding quantity of nothing happened after I heated up the chalk in it for ten seconds. Then I picked up a crayon so that the chalk could have mimed epic art supply battle, but they just ended up becoming friends and doing a dance on the kitchen counter. I then decided that the noble thing to do would be to give up, because I was clearly and unmistakably showing the signs of a textbook case of 'getting absolutely nowhere with these shenanigans.'

So I went into my room and decided to write a poem using the first line of the first ten songs that came onto my iPod when I shuffled my songs. Here is the result:

There's a fog upon L.A.
We made love all day
I'd like to be under the sea
Have a bit of me and a whole lot of you
Sun is shining in the sky, there ain't a cloud in sight
Haven't seen you since high school
She's not a girl who misses much
There'll be girls across the nation that'll eat this up
Cecilia, you're breaking my heart
No, I can't take one more step towards you.

Tadaaaaaaa.

I apologize for the lack of interesting content today. I will do something much more interesting tomorrow! As always, if you're following the project, comment your challenge for today, and if you have any ideas for me, please oh PLEASE comment those as well.

~Maddie

365 New Things

Recently, I was thinking about how to make the world a more interesting place. I thought that a good way to bring this about would be if every person on the earth did just one thing each day that they'd never done before. This thing could be anything, from going to a new country to taking a shower with the lights out.

I thought about this some more, and then I realized that since I am the only person in the world who I can completely control, I would do it myself. So, beginning tomorrow, for the next year, this blog will focus primarily on this project I have decided to attempt. I'll still keep posting the usual content, but every day, starting tomorrow, I will write about the new thing that I tried for the first time that day.

This should be interesting. I look forward to September 6th of 2014. I can't wait to find out about all the things I did, and if I actually stayed on task and finished the project.

I'd love to hear any thoughts about this. Also, I'm open to ideas of new things I could try each day.

~Maddie

How To Be Classy and Aloof Without Getting Kicked Out of Public Places: A Guide

Many of the thousands of my adoring fans often ask me how I manage to be so suave, so classy, and so spiffing. They plead with me to tell them how I manage to have such a marvelous air of je ne sais quoi about me, wherever I go. And so, this guide is for you: How To Be More Classy and Enigmatic: A List, By Maddie. 

(Note: the following guide may also be helpful if you wish to enhance your steampunk personality). 

(Another note: if you do not know what steampunk is, firstly, I feel sorry for you, and secondly, nothing is stopping you from going and looking it up).

(Yet another note: in this post, I'm kidding a lot of the time. Please don't arrest me or actually adopt a pet raven).

1. Stop using predictable colloquialisms. When Humphrey Bogart bade farewell to Ingrid Bergman in The Maltese Falcon, did she get into that plane, look down at him for the last time, and say 'YOLO'? No, she did not, and you shouldn't, either. When you text, use full sentences and proper punctuation. No abbreviations. In your spare time, work to improve your vocabulary. Read the dictionary for fun, and make sure that people walk in on you while you do so. Use words like "milieu," "idiosyncratic," and "dirigible" in everyday conversation as much as you can. Learn to enunciate properly. Proper usage of the word 'whom' is a must. And remember, as somebody clever once said on the internet: never underestimate the flirtatious power of a decent vocabulary.

2. Adopt a signature item of clothing. What do Indiana Jones, BBC's Sherlock Holmes, Captain Jack Sparrow and the Tenth Doctor all have in common? They each have a signature item of clothing, of course. A signature item of clothing, be it a hat, a blue scarf, or a trench coat, does not only serve a functional and stylistic role; it gives a person a sort of marker, to identify them from the vastly less interesting members of the human race. While the rest of your personality, motivations and mannerisms may be shrouded in mystery, unpredictability and the exploits derived from your fascinating mind, that signature clothing item gives your followers something predictable and understandable about you. Because people can pin point and understand the fact that Sherlock Holmes wears a blue scarf, the rest of him becomes all the more enigmatic by comparison. Don't chose something loud; I favor a pocket watch, and (when the weather is permissible) a leather trench coat. Subtlety is key here. Unless you are the 11th Doctor (and I imagine that this is a relatively small portion of my readership). In which case, fezzes, bow ties and stetsons are allowed, because you are a lovely man.

3. Read books. I cannot stress enough the importance of this rule. If one is to become truly mysterious and classy, one must be well-read. Read up on the latest news and scientific theories, to be sure, but do not neglect the classics. Make occasional intelligent and obscure literary references in regular conversation, especially if you know that no one in the room will understand them. Develop an opinion about the Oxford comma.

4. Acquire a sidekick or companion. As Sherlock Holmes once said to John Watson, "That's the frailty of genius, John. It needs an audience." You must have a companion who simultaneously understands why you are so misunderstood and who makes you look smarter than they are. It is also helpful to find one who cooks, because, as we geniuses know, one can become so involved in research or experiments that it becomes difficult to remember to eat regularly.

5. Move into a dark mansion with a study and a library. What is more satisfying then saying dramatically "I'll be in the study," slamming a pair of heavy wooden doors, and sinking into a leather chair behind a desk in a room walled by book shelves to have a good, old-fashioned, solitary brooding session? Oak furnishings, candles, quill pens, leather-bound books, bronze or iron accents, obscure objects from around the world, large and impressive oil portraits of historical people and oriental rugs are a must. 

6. Develop a side interest. These days, every decent genius has a side interest, it seems. One must have something to do whilst unwinding from a long day of scheming, experimenting, or adventuring. Do not chose the violin, as that has been done before. Beekeeping, composing, breeding goldfish, taxidermy, gardening, creating different blends of tea, collecting antique maps and horseback riding are all suitable options. Remember: your side interest cannot be too closely related to your main work, be that research, armchair adventuring, airship captaining, exploring distant regions, political scheming, etc. I repeat: a small touch that humanizes you can make the rest of you seem all the more mysterious by comparison.

7. Have excellent hair. The Tenth Doctor. Princess Leia. Albus Dumbledore. Need I say more?

8. Learn to read people. Though some of you may accuse me by now of being far too obsessed with Sherlock Holmes, I must stress that the ability to read people is invaluable and should not be viewed exclusively in the narrow light of the Holmes universe. It is not only a survival skill, but it helps one get a better grasp of social situations-- and being reasonably socially adept is essential if one wishes to be classy. The best way to learn these skills? Sit on a park bench and watch people for a day. Write down observations in a notebook. You'll learn more than any psychologist or Conan Doyle novel could tell you. A note: do not walk up to people, introduce yourself, and begin to deduce them out loud. This only serves to create social tension, resentment and awkwardness. And that, as I'm sure you've picked up by now, is not behavior exhibited by the truly classy. Also, if you behave in an off-putting manner, this will not only create the uncomfortable environment I have just mentioned, but it will rob you of further opportunity to learn about that person.

9. Things to do: Be somewhat solitary without being a recluse. Learn your manners. Use sarcasm and deadpan humor discreetly and infrequently, but to great effect. Drink lots of tea. Wear sunglasses. Keep a journal, and perhaps call it a 'log.' Don't call your front yard a 'lawn' or a 'yard.' Call it 'the grounds.' Learn another language. Get a raven or a tame wolf. Invest in a decent set of candelabras.

10. Things to avoid: Don't speak in an accent unless you can definitely pull it off. Act mysteriously and intriguingly aloof, but not rude or off-putting. Whatever you do, DON'T adopt a tagline. 

I hope this guide helps you to achieve your mysterious and misunderstood dreams.

DFTBA,

~Maddie

Million-Dollar Idea

You, dear reader, will do well to become my friend now. Why? Because it will serve you very well in about ten years. Why is that, Maddie? you ask.

Well, gentle friend, I just came back from what we non-athletic types call "a very spontaneous and unexpectedly barefoot walk/run/jog/trot thing." And while I was sort of loping along the sidewalk, I thought of a million-dollar idea.

Now, this in itself is not all that remarkable. I come up with million-dollar ideas quite often, usually when I'm talking to my best friend Elli or my online-Nerdfighter-friend-who-unfortunately-lives-multiple-states-away-from-me, Drew. My collaborations with these two include a Chinese restaurant/theme park/spa staffed by a viking, a shoe store for people with only one half of a body (think Phantom Tollbooth-style, non-gory, split down the middle), and a new genre of music: Shakespeare rap. (While we're on the subject, I believe I am currently the only artist to have rhymed the words "enigmatic" and "demographic" in a rap song). But I digress.

I do believe that this million-dollar idea surpasses most that I've had before. Now, sit back, relax, and let me pitch it to you:

You know those smells that everyone seems to know, but do not tend to be unduly celebrated by the human race? I'm talking about that slightly sweet, slightly bready air-freshener-like smell that you get in the houses of some kinds of old people. Or the smell of play-doh. The smell that a house gets when there are a lot of dogs in it. The smell of Subway restaurants. I could go on, but I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about at this point: the kinds of smells that no one thinks too much about, but when you mention them, everyone in the conversation knows what you're talking about.

Well, imagine this: you walk into your apartment, and suddenly you can't shake the feeling that there is somehow, inexplicably and against all reason, an dog in the room. You don't own a dog, and your husband insists that there is no dog in the room, that he hadn't even seen a dog that day, etc. Then, you look at the calendar and realize that it's April 1st. Your husband admits to having bought the Nose-Fooler: a brand new product that diffuses just enough of a scent that the brain picks it up and puts on the there's-a-dog-in-this-room alert. Or an old person. Or a bucket of play-doh. You get the idea.

Yes, friends. I have just invented a product that plays pranks using the victim's own nose. And now, I present to you some questions: what scents would you buy, once my fabulous products rolls out to A Store Near You? Also, I recognize that "The Nose-Fooler" is an incredibly lame name. Thoughts?

I'm gonna be rich, I tell you. Rich.

~Maddie