Thursday, August 29, 2013

My Goldfish is a Boss.

FACT: People dislike reading lengthy stories about other people's pets.

FACT: I don't happen to care.

And so, without further ado, I present: Six Reasons Why My Goldfish is a Boss.

1. He has an awesome name. My fish is named simultaneously named after one of the best trumpet trumpet players ever and one of the coolest and most unappreciated Disney characters ever. (Hint: my fish is not called "Mushu" or "Cruella DeVille.") He's called King Louie. King Louie is the orangutan in The Jungle Book, who is one of the hippest primates around. He's way cooler than Mowgli, for sure, though that's not a difficult thing to be, admittedly. King Louie (the ape) is named after and voiced by Louis Prima, a fantastic jazz musician.

King Louie
Louis Prima









2. He is approximately the size of a tennis ball. When I got him, he was maybe the size of a ping pong ball. I'd almost swear he was inflatable or something.

3. He has a hobby. Yes, friends. King Louie is, like both his namesakes, a musician at heart. He likes to pick up the largest pebbles adorning his tank bottom in his gaping, toothless maw, and put them back down again. Really loudly. Seriously, you would not believe the noise he can produce. Once, I could hear him doing it all the way from the living room, which is downstairs and across the house from his tank. I kid you not. For some reason, he prefers to do this at night. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but the tank that he shares with my other fish (Gershwin the Clueless Black Moor) is in my bedroom. You'd think a goldfish, of all animals, wouldn't keep me up at night by making noise. How hilariously wrong you'd be.

4. He also likes to paint. Whenever I open his tank, he greets me by enthusiastically swimming to the surface and spitting great quantities of water onto my shirt and/or carpet. He's my aquatic Jackson Pollack.

5. He is greedier than Mr. Potter in It's A Wonderful Life. I had to buy special sinking food for my fish, because he wouldn't let Gershwin (who has an eye and, I suspect, common sense impairment) get a thing to eat.

6. He is pretty darn beautiful. I told myself I wasn't going to play the 'pretty fish' card, but oh well. He's a gorgeous, shiny calico.

I've had a *lot* of pets over the years, including many fish, but King Louie is one of the weirdest I've shared my house with yet. Now look me in the eye and tell me with a straight face that goldfish don't have personalities.

~Maddie

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