Million-Dollar Idea

You, dear reader, will do well to become my friend now. Why? Because it will serve you very well in about ten years. Why is that, Maddie? you ask.

Well, gentle friend, I just came back from what we non-athletic types call "a very spontaneous and unexpectedly barefoot walk/run/jog/trot thing." And while I was sort of loping along the sidewalk, I thought of a million-dollar idea.

Now, this in itself is not all that remarkable. I come up with million-dollar ideas quite often, usually when I'm talking to my best friend Elli or my online-Nerdfighter-friend-who-unfortunately-lives-multiple-states-away-from-me, Drew. My collaborations with these two include a Chinese restaurant/theme park/spa staffed by a viking, a shoe store for people with only one half of a body (think Phantom Tollbooth-style, non-gory, split down the middle), and a new genre of music: Shakespeare rap. (While we're on the subject, I believe I am currently the only artist to have rhymed the words "enigmatic" and "demographic" in a rap song). But I digress.

I do believe that this million-dollar idea surpasses most that I've had before. Now, sit back, relax, and let me pitch it to you:

You know those smells that everyone seems to know, but do not tend to be unduly celebrated by the human race? I'm talking about that slightly sweet, slightly bready air-freshener-like smell that you get in the houses of some kinds of old people. Or the smell of play-doh. The smell that a house gets when there are a lot of dogs in it. The smell of Subway restaurants. I could go on, but I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about at this point: the kinds of smells that no one thinks too much about, but when you mention them, everyone in the conversation knows what you're talking about.

Well, imagine this: you walk into your apartment, and suddenly you can't shake the feeling that there is somehow, inexplicably and against all reason, an dog in the room. You don't own a dog, and your husband insists that there is no dog in the room, that he hadn't even seen a dog that day, etc. Then, you look at the calendar and realize that it's April 1st. Your husband admits to having bought the Nose-Fooler: a brand new product that diffuses just enough of a scent that the brain picks it up and puts on the there's-a-dog-in-this-room alert. Or an old person. Or a bucket of play-doh. You get the idea.

Yes, friends. I have just invented a product that plays pranks using the victim's own nose. And now, I present to you some questions: what scents would you buy, once my fabulous products rolls out to A Store Near You? Also, I recognize that "The Nose-Fooler" is an incredibly lame name. Thoughts?

I'm gonna be rich, I tell you. Rich.

~Maddie