Project 365 New Things: Day 11

Today, the Shakespeare program that I had been so long anticipating was postponed because of the shootings in DC. It starts tomorrow instead, and honestly, I'm not so much disappointed as I am grateful to be safe today. I'm praying for everyone affected by this horrible emergency. I have asked Jesus to comfort and keep alive those who have been wounded.

For today's challenge, I learned how to drive a forklift. Or, at least, after reading the WikiHow article containing this information, I know the theory. Here, in my own words, is a summary of what I learned:

1. Driving a forklift is nothing like driving a car. Driving a forklift is more like driving a boxy, top-heavy pumpkin in a windstorm through which several cats holding baseball bats are attempting to knock down everything in their paths. Proceed with caution and, if applicable to your area, make sure you earn or steal a licence before trying to drive a forklift.

2. Check the forklift for any damage or espionage-related sabotage before driving it. Make sure you inspect the "hydraulic mechanisms and tire conditions" very carefully, as it is extremely important that they are functional. I don't know about you, but I predict that this would be the downfall of my forklift driving career, as I know slightly more about mechanics than your average blind dog from 13th century Russia does. As far as I can tell from guessing, a 'hydraulic mechanism' might have something to do with water.

3. It is a good idea to read the manual. If my lack of knowledge about the hydraulic-thingy-whatsits was going to be a problem, this recommendation most certainly will be as well. I am, always have been, and always will be an autodidact. This has occasionally caused me some problems in the past, but overall, it's worked very well for me and I think I'll stick with it. I hope that manual didn't have anything important to say.

4. Pay attention to the size and shape of the object you are lifting. Make sure you have the right kind of fork attached to the front of your wobbly vehicle. Check the work environment for obstacles, including but not limited to: dirt, plastic bags, people, plants, ponies, blenders, speed bumps and clams. Only lift the object high enough to lift it off the ground. I was kind of disappointed by this last rule, because that pretty much leaves no possibility for trick and/or gymnastic lifting, as far as I can tell.

5. The forklift is operated by several levers and knobs that control the height of the fork and the speed of the vehicle. Try practicing with sandbags or otherwise boring objects before trying to lift anything or anyone important.

I think I'm set for a fork-lifting career now. Let me know if you want me to lift anything for you!

~Maddie